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Stop Asking "Why is this happening to me?"

Updated: Jul 14, 2019

Jenn DeWall, Motivational Speaker, Confidence Expert, Millennial Life & Career Coach

We have all been there.  Life is going along great then suddenly we feel like the rug has been pulled out from underneath us.  Maybe it was losing a job or missing out on a promotion, or perhaps it’s struggling with a failed relationship or infertility.  Often times in these moments when we feel we’re at our lowest we can easily sink into the self defeating victim mentality of “why is this happening to me?”  

Now I’m not saying that there is anything wrong with having these thoughts but what I am saying is that you can’t pitch a tent and spend all of your time vacationing in life sucks land.

The longer you embrace the “why is this happening to me”, the more pain we will experience and the more time it will take to feel happier again.

Instead of constantly asking yourself “why is this happening me?” and playing the self doubt and judgment loop I want to challenge you to ask yourself

“What is the benefit of this happening for me?”

It’s in these moments of pain that we can benefit from shifting our mental focus.  Do you want to be happy? Do you want to enjoy the life that you life? Do you want less stress? Do you want more confidence? If you answered yes to any of these questions then asking yourself “What is the benefit of this happening to me?” can be the catalyst to get you there.

I’ll share a personal example.  As someone who was recently diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis (MS) one of the first thoughts that was easy to have as I was staring down the diagnosis was “why is this happening to me?”.  It’s easy, MS doesn’t have a cure and it can lead to losing my ability to walk and talk, it could potentially even rob me of my quality of life. I could choose to focus on all of these things and sink into a long episode of depression and stress, constantly wondering when the shoe is going to drop and the disease will consume me.  

When I ask myself, “what is the benefit of this happening to me?” the benefits outweigh the cons.  The diagnosis has helped me live in the moment, each day I’m grateful to be able to walk and move my body.  The diagnosis also helped me shift my health as the primary focus. I am slowly but surely transitioning to a paleo lifestyle and have even lost 15 pounds.  I also exercise more than I ever have before as I feel that it’s a gift and every day that I can do it I will!

I hope by sharing my personal story it gives you inspiration to flip the script and find a healthier more empowering mindset to guide your life.  

Life is short and you’re the only one that can make the best of it.  How do you want to spend your time?

Jenn DeWall, Denver Millennial Life & Career Coach, Confidence Expert, Motivational Speaker

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