Losing friendships really sucks, especially when there was no bad falling out. Have you ever had a friend that you lost touch with and now it seems like you’re worlds are miles apart? It hurts and it’s hard to process why that friend isn’t in your life anymore. It happens so slowly. First you’re close friends then time passes and the calls become less and less. Before you know it the only way you even know what is going on in your friends life is via facebook or Instagram. It sucks because we don’t realize the friendship is changing until it’s already gone. We all have friends that we lost touch with and still care deeply for and this blog is dedicated to those that find themselves mourning the loss of the friendship.
The problem that I face is that I feel guilty or invest a lot of energy feeling bad that the friends aren’t in my life anymore. I feel this constantly when I think about my old college roommates who all remain in contact with the exception of me. When I see pictures of the girls I feel blue and in some way judge myself, wishing that I had done something different to keep the friendship going. However true that feeling is, when I allow myself to feel it I go to a place where my energy is drained and I forget about all of the amazing friends that I currently have in my life.
My advice on how to deal with lost friendships is to first accept that people are brought into your life at certain times for different reasons. Your high school friends helped you through the awkward teenage years, your college friends helped you become an adult, your work colleagues helped you transition into you career. I have had so many friends that I lost touch with that helped me through these periods. Instead of feeling bad that the friendship is gone, think about what you gained from having those friends. Allow yourself to appreciate the times that you shared with those friends and be grateful for the friendship you shared at that time. Process the past, then look at your present friends. What benefits do they bring your current life? Why are they in your life now? Do they make you a better person?
It’s time to stop mourning the loss of friends and to start celebrating the impact they had in your life. Appreciate the times you shared and find peace knowing that the friendship was meaningful and that it’s okay to move forward with your new friends. We all grow up and our lives take us in different directions. This does not mean either friend is bad it just means we’re navigating our life in a different way and that’s okay. As we grow up different friends are there to bring us value in our current life. Be grateful for those that are currently in your life and let go of those that no longer have an impact on your present life.
“Great friends are hard to find, difficult to leave, and impossible to forget”. Remember the good memories with past friends and cherish the good times with your present friends.
Jenn DeWall Denver based International life & career coach for young professional women, Motivational Speaker