SNL did a great spoof of Sara Bareilles “Say What You Want to Say” (to watch the skit click here) which probed the question, why don’t we say what we want to say? For example, you’re swamped at work and your co-worker asks you for help. Instead of answering honestly and saying no, you offer to help. Another example, your girlfriend is getting married and asks you to spend $500 on a bridesmaid dress, instead of saying you can’t afford it you bitch behind her back and go into debt trying to be a part of her day.
As women we are too often people pleasers and nurturers. The question is, what’s it costing you? Below are 4 areas of your life that are impacted by not saying what you want to say.
What it’s costing you:
1. Your time. By not saying no, you can overschedule your time. You may take on too many projects at work or overcommit to happy hours and social events causing you to run ragged from place to place. In the end you are putting off the things that really matter to you or are burned out by taking too much on. Tip: Start treating your time as the most valuable gift you have. Look at what you want to accomplish and prioritize your needs above anyone else’s. Don’t be afraid to say no, give yourself permission to use your time the way you want to.
2. Your money. When you say yes to everything; social events, clothes, trips, the financial cost adds up. With each transaction you could be putting yourself in a worse financial position and creating more stress and anxiety for yourself. Tip: Create financial goals for yourself, such as increasing savings, paying off credit card debt, etc. Then create a budget for yourself and stick to it. Make your money a priority, remember just because you say no doesn’t mean you’re broke. It means your choosing to spend your money in ways that represent your needs. Think of how good it will feel when you pay down your debt! Feels good, right?
3. Your health. Each time you say yes to that piece of cake or happy hour you may be putting your health on the back burner. Too often we’re concerned with missing out on something that we’re willing to put off our gym time or nutritional goals. In the end we can gain weight and drain our energy resulting in unhappiness with ourselves. Tip: Treat your gym time like it's your job.Make your health a priority. You wouldn’t call in sick to work for a happy hour so why do the same for your gym time. When you treat your body with love and give it what it needs your energy will increase and your stress will decrease. It’s your body, make it last!
4. Your happiness. When friends or family say things that are rude or hurtful and you don’t say anything, you’re internalizing your feelings which costs you happiness. The anger and frustration builds up and as time passes and more comments are made you eventually erupt like a volcano. Your emotions of anger pour out of you which can result in saying things you don’t mean and damaging relationships. Tip: Address your feelings when they happen and liberate yourself from the emotional build up. Don’t allow the feelings to build up internally because it’s only hurting you in the end. “Holding onto anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.”-Buddha. Stop drinking the poison and watch your happiness grow!
Denver Career & Life Coach for young professional women, Motivational Speaker